My Brother Died…
Very early on a Sunday morning my Savior arose from the dead. When He came forth, He gave birth to the living hope that energizes the lives of all believers…keeps us going when nothing else can…keeps us knowing that one of these days…one beautiful day of days…we will see Him as He is.
I am so grateful for what He did…I was especially grateful very early on the Sunday morning of three days ago when I received the phone call that my youngest brother had died unexpectedly. His name was Adrian. He was a believer…but his faith journey didn’t take him where he wanted to go in this life. My heart is too full right now to say more…what follows is my brother’s e-mail to a radio Bible teacher that eloquently describes the aching void he felt in his heart, in spite of his faith. My brother was 51 years old. This is truly a hard one for me and for my family. I know you well enough to know you will pray for us…so thank you…sincerely. I love you. I miss him.
Subject: help me find peace
Got burn out — was a member of the Church of Christ . Had a total breakdown — Lived in bedridden depression for 5 years. I am now not the same person — nor will ever be that person again. My mind has a hard time every day. My thinking is always clouded. I have no joy. Health is bad. Stress has taken its toll on me. I have cried out to God for over 30 years. Needless to say my faith and trust is weak. How can a problem in your mind and all this confusion change for me? I get the typical pat answer (HAVE FAITH) the problem is cyclical. I never was a worrier, fearful, I feel totally forsaken.
The feelings are not changing. There has to be more going on with me than I know myself. I can not feel God’s love anymore. It’s easy to move when you feel it. Try moving without the feeling. The old adage…”Just do what you should and then your feelings will follow” is not working for me. I need help but am totally lost as to what steps to take.
I know you walk by Faith. My spirit is crushed. I cannot fix it. I am helpless. I am a sinner and do know how bad my sin is. I became a Christian in my late teens. The joy was there. I knew it. In the last 30 years I doubted everything about God and Jesus you can doubt. And that made me feel terrible to have those feelings — He Is still who He is… Have I lost my mind? I am in the valley of the shadow and can’t get out. Other Christians must face this also. But I haven’t met any yet. Not the duration of time nor pain. I am sure most would take their life way before these many years. Now I can understand why someone can take their own life. If you do not know this then you are not and have not been in the valley as I. And Praise God above for it. I live but never tell anyone I suffer alone — unmarried — no kids. If this is mental illness how does God view me today?
Thanks. I know you are not shrinks and you get a bunch of nut jobs. Ha. Just looking for some direction.