Acorns From Oakes

Seeing With Our Father's Eyes

My Brother Died…

Very early on a Sunday morning my Savior arose from the dead. When He came forth, He gave birth to the living hope that energizes the lives of all believers…keeps us going when nothing else can…keeps us knowing that one of these days…one beautiful day of days…we will see Him as He is.

I am so grateful for what He did…I was especially grateful very early on the Sunday morning of three days ago when I received the  phone call that my youngest brother had died unexpectedly. His name was Adrian. He was a believer…but his faith journey didn’t take him where he wanted to go in this life. My heart is too full right now to say more…what follows is my brother’s e-mail to a radio Bible teacher that eloquently describes the aching void he felt in his heart, in spite of his faith. My brother was 51 years old. This is truly a hard one for me and for my family. I know you well enough to know you will pray for us…so thank you…sincerely. I love you. I miss him.

 Subject: help me find peace

 

Got burn out — was a member of the Church of Christ . Had a total breakdown — Lived in bedridden depression for 5 years. I am now not  the same person — nor will ever be that person again. My mind has a hard time every day. My thinking is always clouded. I have no joy. Health is bad. Stress has taken its toll on me. I have cried out to God for over 30 years. Needless to say my faith and trust is weak. How can  a problem in your mind and all this confusion change for me? I get the typical pat answer (HAVE FAITH) the problem is cyclical. I never was a worrier, fearful, I feel totally forsaken.

The feelings are not changing. There has to be more going on with me than I know myself. I can not feel God’s love anymore. It’s easy to move when you feel it. Try moving without the feeling. The old adage…”Just do what you should and then your feelings will follow” is not working for me. I need help but am totally lost as to what steps to take.

I know you walk by Faith. My spirit is crushed. I cannot fix it. I am helpless. I am a sinner and do know how bad my sin is. I became a Christian in my late teens. The joy was there. I knew it. In the last 30 years I doubted everything about God and Jesus you can doubt. And that made me feel terrible to have those feelings — He Is still who He is… Have I lost my mind? I am in the valley of the shadow and can’t get out. Other Christians must face this also. But I haven’t met any yet. Not the duration of time nor pain. I am sure most would take their life way before these many years. Now I can understand why someone can take their own life. If you do not know this then you are not and have not been in the valley as I. And Praise God above for it. I live but never tell anyone I suffer alone — unmarried — no kids. If this is mental illness how does God view me today?

Thanks. I know you are not shrinks and you get a bunch of nut jobs. Ha. Just looking for some direction.

 Adrian Oakes 

 

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7 thoughts on “My Brother Died…

  1. Carolyn on said:

    Oh Doug…

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know from experience that when you are greiving those words don’t always give the comfort they are intended to give. But I AM sorry….for I know that when you lose someone unexpectedly it is a hard road to travel. And I know…that losing a sibling is very hard…you are made of the same union…the union of your parents. I even know…that losing a sibling whos life was less than fulfilled, whos life was not what you hoped his life could be, is even harder. So with some understanding in my heart, I am sorry…truly sorry.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers….as is your family.

    EVERYTHING YOU WROTE HERE, CAROLYN, IS SO TRUE AND REFLECTS YOUR TRUE HEART OF CONCERN FOR ME AND MINE. WE ARE NOT ONLY SO GRATEFUL, BUT WE ARE HELPED BY YOUR WORDS AND YOUR HEART. YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEONE…OH YES…OUR PRECIOUS LORD WHO ONCE SAID, “YOUR BROTHER WILL RISE AGAIN.”

  2. I will not begin to say that I understand what you must be feeling Doug … how much your heart must be aching. But I want you to know that you are being prayed for and about.

    Please keep talking to us about this … for your heart and ours.

    May the God that I know you believe in with all your heart hold you tightly in His arms … tight enough that you feel it without a doubt. May He remind you of His plans … His love … His devotion.

    PAIGE, YOUR WISH FOR US WAS INDEED HONORED BY FATHER GOD…FOR, EVEN IN OUR GRIEF, WE HAVE NOT FELT FORSAKEN BY HIM. RATHER, HE HAS COMFORTED US IN SURPRISING WAYS AND OPENED OUR HEARTS TO ALL KINDS OF LESSONS WE NEEDED TO LEARN (AND, PERHAPS, WOULD NOT HAVE LEARNED IN ANY OTHER WAY). AND I WILL BE TRYING TO SAY MORE ABOUT MY BROTHER AND HIS UNEXPECTED (BY US) DEPARTURE. THANK YOU FOR CARING…OF COURSE, I ALREADY KNEW YOU WOULD.

  3. Doug, I am so terribly sorry. I imagine that your heart aches like you never thought it could. I hope that you know that my heart is aching for yours. The Father has heard your name from my heart and I will continue to lift you and yours up to Him.

    May the Almighty God comfort you and give you peace. Let Him speak to your heart. Let Him hold you in His powerful hand. Rest in His grasp.

    Know that you are loved.

    HOW COULD WE EVER THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR YOUR HEARTFELT PRAYERS AND CONCERNS FOR US…THOUGH YOU HAVE NEVER MET US…NEVER SEEN US…YET YOU LOVE US…CARE FOR US…HURT FOR US…PRAY FOR US. THIS IS THE WONDERFUL KIND OF DIFFERENCE JESUS MAKES. YOUR LOVE HAS TOUCHED US EVEN ACROSS THESE MANY MILES. WE ARE HUMBLED AND GRATEFUL. THIS ONE HAS BEEN VERY TOUGH ON US…FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS…ONE OF WHICH IS THAT OUR BROTHER, WHO DID TRULY LOVE THE LORD (I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL MY HEART) YET HAD A LONELY AND TOUGH STRUGGLE THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE TO FIND THE ASSURANCE GOD WANTED HIM TO HAVE. I DON’T KNOW WHY HE WAS BUILT IN SUCH A WAY AS TO HAVE SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME ACCEPTING THIS GLORIOUS TRUTH…WE SPOKE OF IT COUNTLESS TIMES…BUT IN THE END I WAS UNABLE TO HELP HIM GRASP IT. BUT I BELIEVE, EVEN IF WE CAN’T GRASP HIM, GOD CAN HOLD US. I BELIEVE IT EVEN, AND, PERHAPS, MOST, WHEN I CAN’T FEEL IT. THANK YOU, SHERRY. I THANK GOD FOR YOU AND YOURS.

  4. Dour, We were so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I know this is hard on your whole family and I just want you to know that we are praying for your peace and comfort. May God hold you in His arms and give you the strenght and comfort that you need to get through this very difficult time.

    We love you and pray for the best for you and yours.

    Mike and Reba

    IT CAN ONLY BE THE PRAYERS OF GOD’S GOOD PEOPLE THAT ARE HELPING US LEARN TO LIVE WITH OUR LOSS OF ADRIAN. NOW AND AGAIN…IN ALONE MOMENTS…THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE IS GONE FROM ME SWEEPS OVER ME ANEW…AND I GRIEVE ALONG WITH A WORLD OF PEOPLE WHO ALSO KNOW THE LOSS OF ONE WHO WAS DEAR TO THEM. THE FACT THAT YOU CARE IS HELPFUL TO ME…TO MINE. I LOVE YOU, D

  5. Melanie Roseberry on said:

    Allen and I are so sorry you have to go down this path. We are praying for you and all of your family. I talked with Althea yesterday after she got back in town from the service. She was still emotional. You mean so much to her. You mean so much to so many and we hurt when you are hurting.

    MELANIE,
    YOUR PRAYERS AND CONCERN FOR US HAVE HELPED TO STRENGTHEN OUR HANDS IN GOD. FOR YOU TO SHARE IN OUR GRIEF LIKE THIS IS SPECIAL TO US. OF COURSE, WE ARE NOT SURPRISED, KNOWING YOUR GREAT HEART FOR GOD AND FOR OTHERS, INCLUDING US. IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE ALTHEA. SHE, TOO, IS AN INSPIRATION TO US. MY LOVE TO YOU AND ALL YOURS. TELL ALLEN THANKS ALSO. GOD BLESS. D

  6. Doug, I cannot imagine how difficult this time is for you. I am/will be praying for you and your family.

    THANK YOU, SARAH, SINCERELY. WE HAVE BEEN STRENGTHENED SO MUCH IN THESE DAYS BY THE PRAYERS OF THOSE WHO CARE, LIKE YOU. GOD BLESS YOU, SISTER.

  7. Doug–Mike and I are so sorry to hear about the passing of your brother. We know this is a difficult time for you and yours. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I can’t. It takes time to get over these things and with God’s help and guidance you will find the strength you need to get you through. Know that you and your wonderful family are in our prayers. We pray for His comfort. We pray that He cradles you in his arms and holds you close to His heart.

    REBA,
    I AM SORRY THAT SOMEHOW YOUR RECENT COMMENTS HAVE BEEN SENT TO SPAM. I JUST NOW DISCOVERED THEM. I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED…BUT THANK YOU, SINCERELY, FOR THINKING OF US…FOR CARING ABOUT US THE WAY YOU DO. THANK YOU.

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