The Toughest Time
I may not know my own heart. I may be unqualified to say what I’m about to say. When it comes to comparing struggles with many others I know of, I’m a lightweight. My pain threshold is low…very low. It doesn’t take a lot to throw me into a funk. But I’ve had some serious struggles in my life. I’ve known sustained personal defeat. I’ve let others down. I’ve felt the keen edge of betrayal’s knife in my back. I know what it’s like to be unable to eat, unable to sleep and unable to feel that anything would ever be okay again. But for all that…the very toughest time for me…is when someone I care about is up against it. They are enduring real pain. They can hardly find words to express what’s going on inside them. They need my help. They need me. They express that fact. But there’s nothing I can do to fix it for them. I tell you, I flat out hate times like that. I am beyond grateful that they express their pain to me. Nothing I’m saying here is meant to keep them from doing that…not ever. I want to be brought in on their lives in joy or sorrow. I want to know their needs. But, I also want to do something when I can’t really do much of anything. I can listen. But it feels like so little. I can pray (and I do) but even that leaves me feeling almost useless. I had rather crawl back into my worst time ever of personal torment than to be unable to fix it for those I love and hold most dear. I die inside.
But as much as I hate this toughest of all times in life, I’ve noticed something. It’s precisely at such times, when I turn to my Father with empty hands, with absolutely no plans, no answers…it’s then I lean so completely on Him. This isn’t exactly noble of me…it’s just that at such times, I realize that not only can I not do it all…I can’t do anything!
What do you think?